So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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