I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
