So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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