Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize