what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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