Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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