So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
