Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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