i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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