He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
