Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
