Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
