hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
