HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
