i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
