How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
