Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
