Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
