saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
