And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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