i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
