what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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