I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
