Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
