I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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