i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
