just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
In America we eat man semen.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
