Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
