3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
