I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
