its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
