She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
