Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
