I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
