remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
