Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
