i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
