I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
