i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
