3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I got chris browned last night
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
