Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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