Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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