Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
