Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There's always time for handjobs
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
