I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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