dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
