I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
