My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just want to make out with him forever
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
