There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
