Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I can't trust your balls anymore.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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