I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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