She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
