forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
