Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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