sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
